You’re on BASE! Take some time to catch your breath … you are safe.

Seinfeld

There was a woman I met that had severe vision problems and was not able to drive. She wanted to go to church and needed someone to drive her. I had not been attending church for a while and thought this might be God nudging me in that direction. So I volunteered. I did not know much about this woman. I knew that she couldn’t see and that was about it.

We had decided that I would pick her up, of course, and then after church we would come to her house to eat. She was going to cook lunch. I was leary of this idea, but trying to be polite and open to whatever might help this woman feel good.

I approached the door and knocked quietly. I hear her inside yelling, “Paige!, No, Paige! Paige, no!” I stand at the door wondering why she’s yelling my name and why is she telling me no. She opens the door and there is an enormous black dog standing there, and, of course, her name is Paige.

We sit down to have some coffee while we wait until time to leave. She begins telling me about how she was going to make a cake to go with our lunch today. As she’s talking I kind-of drift off and quit paying attention because I’m noticing a trail of cats walking around her house. There were at least ten cats of all shapes and sizes. I realize the woman can’t see my facial expressions so I’m not worried too much about the shock that is showing there. I finally ascertain that the cats live in the ceiling … there was hole in the closet that they were climbing in and out of.

So as I’m taking this all in I hear her say, “… and then I must have had a seizure.” I snap out of my cat thoughts and ask her to please repeat that last part. She says, “I was saying that I had decided to make a cake for today, to go with our lunch. As I was mixing the icing with the mixer I must have had a seizure. I came to and I was on the kitchen floor and there was icing everywhere.” About this time, Paige the dog walks up to me, and I notice, I’m not even kidding, there is icing all over this dog’s back. I stifle a laugh and walk into the kitchen, there is icing all over the walls and cabinets. It was at this time that I realized, this could be a Seinfeld episode.

 I would love to hear about some of your own “Seinfeld” moments.

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Comments on: "Seinfeld" (4)

  1. I almost had a seizure reading that! LOL!

    I can think of more Bridget Jones moments in my life, where I made a complete fool of myself in front of some guy I liked. There was this one guy I worked with at the nursery. I had a really big crush on him. One day I was talking to him and was walking backwards when I turned around *SMACK* right into a pallet piled high with bags of manure. Later I found out he was married! I never heard him talk about a wife and he didn’t wear a ring!

    I think my favorite Seinfeld episode was the one where Jerry and his girlfriend are being disgustingly ushy-gushy. They call each other “Schmoopy” and stuff. I think that is the one with the soup nazi because they get thrown out of his deli for their schmoopy-ness!

    That reminds me of a friend I had in Ireland. His name was Rosario and he was Italian, but raised in France. I guess you could say he was a lover. Anyway, he and his girlfriend would literally occuping the same space and it was really uncomfortable being around them! I’m surprised they didn’t get thrown out of public places! Then again, it was Europe…..people aren’t as sensitive about PDA!

    OOOOH BRIDGET JONES MOMENTS WOULD BE GOOD TO THINK ABOUT. I WOULD PROBABLY NEED A LOT MORE DATING EXPERIENCE IN ORDER TO GO THAT ROUTE THOUGH.

    I LOVE THE SOUP NAZI. MY EX-HUSBAND HATED ELAINE BECAUSE SHE TOOK THE SOUP NAZI’S RECIPES. HE WOULD GET SO MAD AT HER AFTER THAT, ALWAYS ASKING, “WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO EVERYONE?” HAD HE MET HER IN REAL LIFE I THINK HE WOULD HAVE KICKED HER IN THE THROAT.

    EUROPE DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE MUCH OF A PDA RADAR. MY DAD AND I SAT THROUGH AN ENTIRE MOVIE WHERE THE PEOPLE IN THE SEAT RIGHT NEXT TO US NEVER CAME UP FOR AIR. HEY, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ROSARIO.

  2. My first day as a Sunset student… though I’d worked with AIM for maybe 5 years already, it was huge culture shock for me. I went to the bathroom and between the stall and the sink one of my new classmates decides to introduce himself to me. (He was just exiting the urinal.) …and I would have been the rude one if I’d refused to shake his hand. So I’m looking over his shoulder, staring at the sink wondering why he doesn’t realize this is so wrong.

    I don’t want to give away too many secrets, but it ends up not many people up there wash their hands. (Sorry, is that too much information?)

    EEEWWW … HOW AWKWARD. WHAT CAN YOU DO IN THOSE SITUATIONS EXCEPT BE POLITE I GUESS.

    I NOTICE AT CHURCH THAT WE REFILL THE MEN’S SOAP ABOUT ONCE EVERY 24 MONTHS AND THE WOMEN’S ABOUT ONCE EVERY 2 MONTHS. I’M NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MEN, BUT I BELIEVE THE STATISTICS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

    TIM, I THINK YOU MAY BE ONE OF THE FEW MEN THAT EVEN NOTICES THAT THERE ARE SINKS IN THE BATHROOMS. I BET THEY THINK THEY ARE WATERING TROUGHS.

  3. That story cracks me up! All your Seinfeld moments do. I am sure that my life has had it’s fair share of such, but I don’t think any of them are as funny as yours!

    IT’S NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TELL THEM TO. THINGS LIKE THIS ARE NOT USUALLY AS FUNNY BY YOURSELF. THAT’S FOR SHARING YOUR LAUGHTER.

  4. Does the curse on the earth story count toward Seinfeld moments? Maybe One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? If so, can we just skip to the part where I get the lobodomy?

    I WOULD EVEN GO AS FAR AS TO SAY TWILIGHT ZONE …

    I WISH FOR YOUR SAKE THAT IT WAS CANDID CAMERA … THAT WAY THERE WOULD BE SOME HOPE THAT SOMEONE WOULD SOON STEP OUT AND SAY, “SMILE, SARAH … “

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